Here are some thoughts and sayings that I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in December. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

1. I would have more time if life were measured in teraseconds.

2. I asked Santa for an iPhone 4S, but all he gave me was an apple. I’m trying to figure out where the communication breakdown occurred.

3. Muscle is fickle; fat sticks around forever.

4. Fight for your right; on the other hand, appreciate what’s left.

5. There’s no one else above you unless an airplane is flying over.

6. Somewhere on the way to the mall and the post office, Christmas went from being a holiday celebration to an annual ritual.

7. Failure isn’t an option, but crying is.

8. A trail lawyer is someone who’s lost in the wilderness but litigates a new path.

9. Savor fashion by tasting it.

10. You leave me breathless every time we climb together to new heights.

11. Virtually every media site publishes their “Best of 2011” lists weeks before the year ends. Poor December is left out in the cold.

12. A Chinese wife told her husband that she loved him as far as East is from West; her American husband said that he loved her as far as West is from East.

13. Those who complain of squished grapes are merely wining.

14. The in-laws have landed.

15. Being an armchair quarterback does not make you ready to throw a touchdown.

16. Modern life has advanced so fast that we can hardly keep up.

17. Some kids collect sports cards. Mine collects credit cards.

18. Let’s see if we’re going to see some sights.

19. When the stock market goes up, my blood pressure goes down.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.