The Dear Leader’s Birthday Bash

I cannot believe I forgot to acknowledge the Dear Leader’s birthday!  Shame on me.  Last Thursday was Kim Jong Il’s 64th birthday, a significant milestone in the Dear Leader’s life (each birthday is equally significant).  The North Korean leader was not present at the birthday festivities.  I read that they were spectacular–although not quite as spectacular as they could have been with the Dear Leader present.  Among the Dear Leader’s many accomplishments, he is reputed to have shot 18 holes-in-one during a round of golf (North Korean news sources did not clarify whether it was at a mini-golf course).  It is also rumored that the frost explosions and sudden lake thaws that inevitably occur on the Dear Leader’s birthdays could be harnessed by the Dear Leader to provide his country with an abundant source of cheap, renewable energy, meeting North Korea’s energy needs.
Here is an article from Reuters on the Dear Leader’s many accomplishments.


Kim Jong-il’s acclaimed feats
N. Korea media says leader is an artist and an engineer
(Reuters) — North Korean leader Kim Jong-il turned 64 on Thursday. The following are reports from official North Korean sources about some of Kim’s acclaimed abilities and attributes:

Reports in the past year
Kim Jong-il is blessed with a photographic memory. Kim goes through intensive memory training every day and can remember the phone numbers of workers, lines of computer code and the personal biographies of cadres.

He impressed one funeral gathering by walking among hundreds of tombstones and recounting the achievements, characteristics, tastes and bereaved family members of the dead he passed.

Kim’s relentless push to advance the communist movement in the state has turned him into something of an insomniac. Kim was quoted as saying he has never had a night of comfortable sleep because of the days and months he spends giving field guidance to factory workers, farmers and troops.

He does manage to take short naps in the car.
The start
Although South Korean and foreign analysts say Kim was probably born in the Soviet Union, official media say he was born at a secret revolutionary camp on Mount Paektu, a northern mountain on the Korean peninsula that many Koreans considered sacred. A double rainbow appeared over the mountain when he was born.

Accomplished young man
According to his official biography, Kim helped develop North Korea’s TV broadcasting industry. He repaired auto engines. He found ways for farmers and steel workers to produce goods more efficiently and avoid back-breaking labor. He wrote a thesis on Korean history. He penned operas and plays — all before turning 23.

The artist
Kim was responsible for placing museums in all corners of the country. He developed an actors’ studio. In 1967, he brought the feature film "Five Guerrilla Brothers" to the screen. That movie was followed by "The Sea of Blood" and other movies, including several award-winning films.

After building a strong North Korean film industry, Kim created a new revolutionary opera and adapted some of his films into operas. Then he developed a new type of literature.

The engineer
Kim’s engineering expertise runs deep in the operation of hydroelectric power stations, cutting-edge design in computer circuits, the construction of floodgates and irrigation canals.

"His profound knowledge in electronic engineering made the scientists listening drop their heads in humble respect," official media said.

The weather
For previous birthdays, North Korean official media have reported on the "Wonders of the February holiday" that included sunrises so brilliant that frost exploded with the sound of firecrackers, rainbows appeared and frozen lakes thawed with such a noise that it caused mountains to shake.

SOURCES: KCNA news agency, North Korea’s Foreign Language Publishing House, North’s communist party newspaper, Rodong Sinmun, and North Korean Internet site "Among Our People"

  1. fat Joe

    ditto to what is said above.   Love the sarcasim re: ‘dear leader’.   
    can’t wait to see dear leader, bin laden and castro laid out on a slab DEAD.
    guad joe

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