Thoughts & Sayings (December 2012)

Here are some thoughts and sayings I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in November. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

Encouraging Words

1. The same inputs can yield different results if you simply force them.

inputs

2. A fish needs a bicycle to get from one place to another faster than on foot.

fish bicycle

3. I can’t think of anything to say. I guess I’ll use hand gestures.

gestures

Twisted Words

4. My sayings are so corny that I know one day I will reap what I sow.

corny

Holidays & Events

5. Spotted at a protest following the 2004 U.S. Election.

kanada

6. I quit cold turkey for Thanksgiving.

coldturkey

7. This Thanksgiving, be thankful you’re not a turkey. Oh, never mind.

thankful

8. China announces its new leaders. Snow White is not among them.

9. Happy Election Day! If you’re not American, just tell a pollster how you’d vote if you could.

election

10. In a goofy, Mickey Mouse deal, Disney buys LucasFilm. Coming soon: “Star Wars – The Musical,” “Star Wars on Ice,” and “Star Wars Episodes VII – to Infinity and Beyond.”

Random Musings

11. Hasbro should make a Clue board game featuring blockbuster movies, people, places and things, where Harry Potter did it on Tatooine with a phaser or Spock did it at Hogwarts with a light saber.

12. Get hundreds of new Twitter followers every day. Tweet good content.

13. Omy – the symbol for methane on the Periodic Table.

methane

14. This morning my child went from tired to wired in 15 minutes.

15. Why is a car a lemon and not a carrot?

lemon

Click here to visit the Thoughts & Sayings page, or click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts & Sayings.

Images courtesy of Microsoft.

buythumb[3]M.G. Edwards is a writer of books and stories in the mystery, thriller and science fiction-fantasy genres. He also writes travel adventures. He is author of Kilimanjaro: One Man’s Quest to Go Over the Hill, a non-fiction account of his attempt to summit Mount Kilimanjaro, Africa’s highest mountain, a collection of short stories calledReal Dreams: Thirty Years of Short Storiesand Alexander the Salamander, a children’s story set in the Amazon. His books are available to purchase as an e-book and in print from Amazon.com and other booksellers. He lives in Bangkok, Thailand with his wife Jing and son Alex.

For more books or stories by M.G. Edwards, visit his web site at www.mgedwards.com or his blog, World Adventurers. Contact him at me@mgedwards.com, on Facebook, on Google+, or @m_g_edwards on Twitter.

© 2012 Brilliance Press. All rights reserved. All characters and events appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons or events is purely coincidental. No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted without the written consent of the author.

Straight from the Headlines (2005 Edition)

Al Jazeera in Talks to Purchase ‘The Onion’

Doha, Qatar (RFN) – Arab network seeks to expand U.S. presence by purchasing popular U.S. news source ahead of highly anticipated IPO

Qatar-based Al Jazeera is in negotiations to purchase a majority stake in The Onion, a popular U.S. news source.  Al Jazeera spokesman Jihad Ballout refused to confirm the network’s interest in purchasing the media company, citing regulatory concerns in advance of its upcoming initial public offering.

The company is interested in establishing an international media presence.  It has also been in talks with London-based The Guardian to purchase a minority stake.  The Onion, a weekly news publication read by millions in print and online, is one of the most popular news sources among 18-35 year olds in the U.S.   Sources indicated that two companies are in the advance stage of negotiation, although negotiations in recent days have been delayed by disagreement over whether ‘The Onion’ would keep its name or change it to ‘Al Onion.’

Guantanamo Bay’s Tourism Industry Suffers from Prisoner Abuse Scandal

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba (RFN) – Tourism to Guantanamo Bay down 63% in 2004 due to allegations of prison abuse

Officials at Guantanamo Bay confirmed that recent prisoner abuse scandals have significantly depressed tourism in the U.S. enclave.  Tourism had been robust in recent years as hundreds of Americans and other visitors visited the small site in southeast Cuba.  Tourism increased with the launch of Guantanamo Bay’s “See the Other Cuba” marketing campaign in 2003 and the increasing popularity of the site’s “Naval Reservation Boundary” tour.  In 2003 344 tourists visited Guantanamo Bay.  By 2004 tourism dropped to just 217, a decrease of 63%.  Officials believe that tourism may recover to its previous level once the scandals have been resolved.

Korean Star May End Film Career

Seoul (RFN) – Popular Korean film star Bae Yong Jun may end his film career to concentrate on other endeavors

Korean film star Bae Yong Jun, affectionately known as ‘Yonsama’ and ‘BYJ’ to his legions of fans, may be filming his last film.  The star of the popular “Winter Sonata” drama series is currently filming the highly anticipated film, “April Snow.”  When asked by reporters about his future plans, the star responded, “I’m not sure.  I might try telemarketing.  People say I have a great voice for it.”

Fans worldwide were shocked and dismayed by the revelation that Bae might leave acting.  Distraught Yonsama fan, Yuri Kurasawa of Fukuoka said, “I don’t know what I’ll do if Yonsama retires.  They can have Dokto [Islands]—just let us have Yonsama!”

“I love BYJ.  Where will he work?  I want to call him!” asked Kim Haejin of Seoul.

Bae’s “Winter Sonata” series contributed over $1.1 billion in Korean-Japanese trade in 2004 and has become a popular contraband item in North Korea.

‘Star Wars’ Shocker:  Anakin Skywalker’s Father Revealed

Skywalker Ranch (RFN) – The third and final installment in the ‘Star Wars’ saga opening May 19 reveals that Senator Palpatine is Darth Vader’s father

Director George Lucas has been mum on the subject, but unidentified sources close to the filming of “Revenge of the Sith” confirm that the character of Senator Palpatine, also known as Darth Sidious, is Anakin Skywalker’s father by birth.  Skywalker, better known as Darth Vader, has long been associated with immaculate conception by his mother.  Because fans reacted favorably to the revelation that Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker’s father in the movie “The Empire Strikes Back,” Lucas decided to use the same strategy in filming his latest installment in the saga.

“We needed to do well with this film because the last two did so poorly.  We believe this will help bring back the magic of the first three films.  George [Lucas] still regrets writing Jar Jar Binks into the script,” the source confirmed.  “If we throw in Chewbacca, Luke and Leia, why not make Palpatine his dad?  We’re still trying to figure out how to write Han Solo as a baby into the script.”

ACLU Seeks an End to April Fool’s Day

Los Angeles (RFN) – The American Civil Liberties Union, citing possible civil rights violations on April Fool’s Day, plan lawsuits to end practical jokes

The American Civil Liberties Union announced today that it welcomes anyone who believes they are a potential victim of April Fool’s Day to contact the civil rights organization.  The ACLU will prepare cases for eligible claims in an effort to stamp out the common household and office practice.  If you believe you have wrongly duped by an April Fool’s Day joke and seek redress, contact the ACLU at 968-3665 (YOU-FOOL).

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