Mother

Straight from the Headlines (2005 Edition)

Al Jazeera in Talks to Purchase ‘The Onion’

Doha, Qatar (RFN) – Arab network seeks to expand U.S. presence by purchasing popular U.S. news source ahead of highly anticipated IPO

Qatar-based Al Jazeera is in negotiations to purchase a majority stake in The Onion, a popular U.S. news source. Al Jazeera spokesman Jihad Ballout refused to confirm the network’s interest in purchasing the media company, citing regulatory concerns in advance of its upcoming initial public offering.

The company is interested in establishing an international media presence. It has also been in talks with London-based The Guardian to purchase a minority stake. The Onion, a weekly news publication read by millions in print and online, is one of the most popular news sources among 18-35 year olds in the U.S. Sources indicated that two companies are in the advance stage of negotiation, although negotiations in recent days have been delayed by disagreement over whether ‘The Onion’ would keep its name or change it to ‘Al Onion.’

Guantanamo Bay’s Tourism Industry Suffers from Prisoner Abuse Scandal

Guantanamo Bay, Cuba (RFN) – Tourism to Guantanamo Bay down 63% in 2004 due to allegations of prison abuse

Officials at Guantanamo Bay confirmed that recent prisoner abuse scandals have significantly depressed tourism in the U.S. enclave. Tourism had been robust in recent years as hundreds of Americans and other visitors visited the small site in southeast Cuba. Tourism increased with the launch of Guantanamo Bay’s “See the Other Cuba” marketing campaign in 2003 and the increasing popularity of the site’s “Naval Reservation Boundary” tour. In 2003 344 tourists visited Guantanamo Bay. By 2004 tourism dropped to just 217, a decrease of 63%. Officials believe that tourism may recover to its previous level once the scandals have been resolved.

Korean Star May End Film Career

Seoul (RFN) – Popular Korean film star Bae Yong Jun may end his film career to concentrate on other endeavors

Korean film star Bae Yong Jun, affectionately known as ‘Yonsama’ and ‘BYJ’ to his legions of fans, may be filming his last film. The star of the popular “Winter Sonata” drama series is currently filming the highly anticipated film, “April Snow.” When asked by reporters about his future plans, the star responded, “I’m not sure. I might try telemarketing. People say I have a great voice for it.”

Fans worldwide were shocked and dismayed by the revelation that Bae might leave acting. Distraught Yonsama fan, Yuri Kurasawa of Fukuoka said, “I don’t know what I’ll do if Yonsama retires. They can have Dokto [Islands]—just let us have Yonsama!”

“I love BYJ. Where will he work? I want to call him!” asked Kim Haejin of Seoul.

Bae’s “Winter Sonata” series contributed over $1.1 billion in Korean-Japanese trade in 2004 and has become a popular contraband item in North Korea.

‘Star Wars’ Shocker: Anakin Skywalker’s Father Revealed

Skywalker Ranch (RFN) – The third and final installment in the ‘Star Wars’ saga opening May 19 reveals that Senator Palpatine is Darth Vader’s father

Director George Lucas has been mum on the subject, but unidentified sources close to the filming of “Revenge of the Sith” confirm that the character of Senator Palpatine, also known as Darth Sidious, is Anakin Skywalker’s father by birth. Skywalker, better known as Darth Vader, has long been associated with immaculate conception by his mother. Because fans reacted favorably to the revelation that Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker’s father in the movie “The Empire Strikes Back,” Lucas decided to use the same strategy in filming his latest installment in the saga.

“We needed to do well with this film because the last two did so poorly. We believe this will help bring back the magic of the first three films. George [Lucas] still regrets writing Jar Jar Binks into the script,” the source confirmed. “If we throw in Chewbacca, Luke and Leia, why not make Palpatine his dad? We’re still trying to figure out how to write Han Solo as a baby into the script.”

ACLU Seeks an End to April Fool’s Day

Los Angeles (RFN) – The American Civil Liberties Union, citing possible civil rights violations on April Fool’s Day, plan lawsuits to end practical jokes

The American Civil Liberties Union announced today that it welcomes anyone who believes they are a potential victim of April Fool’s Day to contact the civil rights organization. The ACLU will prepare cases for eligible claims in an effort to stamp out the common household and office practice. If you believe you have wrongly duped by an April Fool’s Day joke and seek redress, contact the ACLU at 968-3665 (YOU-FOOL).

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Understanding children

Try as I might, sometimes I don’t understand children. Tonight our toddler really acted up. He had his mother at wit’s end trying to figure out what he wanted. He took a late nap and was a bundle of energy the entire evening. We couldn’t get him to sleep because he was so wound up. He looked like he wanted mommy to come out and play at 11 o’clock at night. Daddy just wouldn’t do. He was really upset, and because he doesn’t say much yet he couldn’t tell us what he wanted. Mommy was very tired, so she asked daddy to take him out to the living room to play and exhaust the last of his energy. Our toddler cried and cried and just wanted to go back to mommy. I thought he was hungry and tried to feed him some food. He didn’t want it. I thought he might need some milk but he didn’t want that either. Finally, I noticed he was looking at his sippy cup. I finally figured out that he wanted some apple juice mixed with water. I finally understood what he had been trying to tell us all along. We just didn’t have a clue. We were frustrated with him, and he with us. Once he got his juice he was fine. He was thirsty after playing so hard and crying all evening. Juice is what he needed.

You try to be a good parent and listen to your children. Sometimes you just can’t understand them. But instead of losing your temper, you just have to try harder to communicate and figure out what they’re trying to tell you. In a year or so our son will be old enough to put short sentences together and will be able to better tell us what he wants. He already can convey simple ideas like “car”, “bird,” and “diaper”. However, he can’t tell us he’s thirsty. We have to be magicians by figuring it out from his signs and trying to read his mind. It’s frustrating for us sometimes, but no more so than it is for him.

I never understood why children go through the so-called “Terrible Two’s” (which really start around 1 1/2 years of age). I now know that it’s because sometimes children at that age have to resort to extreme forms of communication to get their point across–blood-curdling, mind-numbing temper tantrums. Our son is now in that phase, and I hope for his sake and ours it will pass soon. In the meantime, I’ll keep working on my listening skills.