Thoughts and Sayings (February 2012)

Here are some thoughts and sayings that I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in January. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

1. While a constitutional sounds painful, it’s a great way to get the ideas out and the thoughts flowing.

2. In Asia, it’s okay to impose on someone but rude not to accommodate. In the West, it’s rude to impose on someone and okay not to accommodate.

3. I’m on a liquid diet to turn my keg-sized stomach into six-pack abs.

4. My son plays on the computer so much that it makes me want to screen.

5. When I was younger, I didn’t want to go to sleep because I wasn’t tired. Now that I’m older, I’m tired but won’t go to sleep.

6. I’m taking a social media break to write a book. What a novel concept.

7. Being the short one in a relationship does not make you less of a person.

8. I try to catch inspiration whenever it crosses my mind, but it is much too fleeting.

9. I ran into Trouble. He said to tell you hello.

10. I can’t keep my id from fighting with my ego and superego. It must be cerebral rivalry.

11. A loser wins when a winner loses.

12. The automated prayer request program has malfunctioned. You’re going to have to do it manually.

13. Wine is fine but puts me down every time.

14. You can’t put me in a box because my head is too big.

15. If you pay for something in Thailand, you baht it.

16. I think my brain power can be used as an energy-saving device.

17. I exercise before dinner to make room for more calories.

18. I’m preparing to render my treasure unto Caesar. Too bad Caesar doesn’t accept payment in moth and rust.

19. Measure as many times as it takes to get a consensus and then cut. If no agreement is reached, let it rot.

20. Fair is a four-letter word.

21. If you lose something profound, does it become prolost?

22. These thoughts and sayings may be insightful or inciteful depending on your disposition.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.

Thoughts and Sayings (January 2012)

Here are some thoughts and sayings that I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in December. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write!

1. I would have more time if life were measured in teraseconds.

2. I asked Santa for an iPhone 4S, but all he gave me was an apple. I’m trying to figure out where the communication breakdown occurred.

3. Muscle is fickle; fat sticks around forever.

4. Fight for your right; on the other hand, appreciate what’s left.

5. There’s no one else above you unless an airplane is flying over.

6. Somewhere on the way to the mall and the post office, Christmas went from being a holiday celebration to an annual ritual.

7. Failure isn’t an option, but crying is.

8. A trail lawyer is someone who’s lost in the wilderness but litigates a new path.

9. Savor fashion by tasting it.

10. You leave me breathless every time we climb together to new heights.

11. Virtually every media site publishes their “Best of 2011” lists weeks before the year ends. Poor December is left out in the cold.

12. A Chinese wife told her husband that she loved him as far as East is from West; her American husband said that he loved her as far as West is from East.

13. Those who complain of squished grapes are merely wining.

14. The in-laws have landed.

15. Being an armchair quarterback does not make you ready to throw a touchdown.

16. Modern life has advanced so fast that we can hardly keep up.

17. Some kids collect sports cards. Mine collects credit cards.

18. Let’s see if we’re going to see some sights.

19. When the stock market goes up, my blood pressure goes down.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.

Thoughts and Sayings (December 2011)

Here are some thoughts and sayings I posted on Twitter and/or Facebook in November. To my knowledge, I made these up (for better or for worse). Enjoy!

1. Let your light shine, but don’t be a klieg light.

2. A Monday in the office is better than a day in the grave.

3. The only turkey I want over for Thanksgiving should be on my dinner table.

4. Do you spend more time…or money?

5. I enjoy having you around but prefer you a-flat.

6. Like a knife, are you on the cutting edge or flat and dull?

7. Don’t fiddle around with playing someone like a fiddle.

8. You can put the Dole on a banana, but you can’t put a banana on the dole.

9. Why die for something when you can live for something else?

10. Don’t let the messenger shoot!

11. Although you may get better with age like fine wine, a bottle of wine will spoil if you open it.

12. It’s like two birds killing me with one stone.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy the write.

Click here to read the previous batch of Thoughts and Sayings.